His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
