Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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