Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
