i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I stole a fireplace last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
