my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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