my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
