You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
