remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
