I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
