I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
