He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm really busy with my period
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