we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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