She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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