how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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