HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
