SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
