Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
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he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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