At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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