How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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