you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
