i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
