so explain again why im purple
no
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Randomize
