Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
this is an emotional support booty call
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
