PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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