Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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