I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
