I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
