my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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