It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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