I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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