New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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