true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
