Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
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There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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