Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
