I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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