I'm so fucking centered right now
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
