You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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