You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
