last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
