ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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