It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
