Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
