no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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