dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
