so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
