He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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