I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
