how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
