yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
