so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
