herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
