i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
