So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
