Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't put those talents on a resume
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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