did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Such a big mess for such a small penis
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
