It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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