even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
