I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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