i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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