so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
