I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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