i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize