The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
