I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
