she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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