first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
