From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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