i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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