I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
