I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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