Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
