at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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