I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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