i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
this beer tastes like vomit already
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you never un-have a 4some
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
