They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
