Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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