we're blogging at a bar
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
