What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
