the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
