Ambien. No doubt about it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
