Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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