i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
