there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
