tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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